Haunting Past ? 10 Ways To Overcome Your Toxic Past Relationship.
1. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR BEING ENTANGLED IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP IN THE PAST.
Most of us if not all of us have at least been in a toxic relationship once before. One that causes mental stress, emotional imbalance, and many breakdowns. Know that it does not only happen to you. A good start will be telling yourself it happens in life to almost everybody and stop blaming yourself. There is no “what if” here, it happened cos it happened. End of story.
2. DO NOT EVER PUNISH YOUR PRESENT RELATIONSHIP FOR WHAT YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP DID.
So you had a bad relationship in the past, know that your present relationship with your partner is NOT THE SAME.
He or she is not that person you dated and hated in the past. Do not compare or try to find similarities in the present relationship. Be willing to accept your partner for who she/he is. Create happy memories together. If there is any similarity to the trauma you have endured in the past do let your partner know. Talk, Speak and discuss it together as a couple. You will be amazed by the results. Try it.
3. ACCEPT THAT YOU CAN’T UNDO YOUR PAST.
Acceptance is key in every recovery process. Accept that once upon a time, your relationship sucks. You can’t undo it, YOU NEVER WILL.
Accept that it’s in the past, you had no control over it. Your past made you the person you are today, accept it. And without that UGLY HAUNTING PAST, you might still be “clueless” you and still be stuck in a toxic relationship. While it takes time to “swallow”
the reality, take it from me, you need to free yourself. You will see things clearer and from a better perspective once you fully accept that you can’t undo your past.
4. STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR HAUNTING PAST, “WALK THE OTHER DIRECTION”.
I know, you can’t help it. It’s lingering and loitering at the back of your mind. The proven way for me every single time is to walk the other direction. Find yourself being stuck in your past again and again? Keep going the other direction. It’s actually simple logic, you don’t run into a burning building. (This does not apply to all the firemen reading this, thank you guys for your service.)
Instead, you run the other direction to save yourself. Apply this “theory” in your life and you are able to rescue yourself again and again. It takes practice but you will get the hang out of it.
5. DISCONNECT WITH YOUR PAST AND RECONNECT WITH YOUR PRESENT.
If you find yourself “is in the past”, find every possible way to disconnect with it. Tell yourself it’s not real and it’s really all just your haunting past. Call your partner, family members or even trusted close friends and talk about it. Do not allow it to “grapple” you to the ground and leave you suffocated. Most of the time upon reaching out, your loved ones will come to aid you. In fact that they will feel honored that you trust them enough to reach out. Once reconnected in your present, realize that you are loved and there are people who are willing to walk the path with you. You are not alone.
6. STRIVE TO BE A BETTER PERSON TODAY AND NOW!
Learn how to cook if you haven’t. Surprise your partner with that “sumptuous ” home cooked dinner. Gone are the days where the cooking is all left to the woman to be done. Try fixing things at home, create a bucket list of “to dos” With tons of resources available online and offline, there will never be a day where you cant learn a new skill or teach yourself something. In this era, having a growth mindset will help you in so many ways and without you realizing it, you are way ahead from that person you are from that haunting past. Not only will you benefit from it personally, but the people you loved around you will also benefit from it too. No negativity here, all positive.
7. FIND FORGIVENESS, NOT TOWARDS YOUR EX- OR YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP BUT FOR YOURSELF.
You need to forgive yourself. You heard it a million times from a million people, DO NOT SELF BLAME
. Forgive yourself and keep forgiving yourself. That’s the only way. Don’t expect the toxic people from your haunting past to ask or beg for forgiveness from you. They are done and gone. It’s you, your new partner and whatever lies ahead of you. Take some time to reflect, “mourn” if you have to and forgive yourself again and again. Once you are well grounded on planet earth again know that you have a bright future ahead with so much opportunity.
8. PRACTICE GRATITUDE AND BE MINDFUL OF YOUR PRESENT.
Practice gratitude and keep on practicing. Be thankful for even the smallest of things. The air you breathe, the mailman who ensured that your mail comes on time, that Uber driver who gave you a charging cable while sending you to the office. There are many benefits of practicing gratitude, you can read it here.
Mindfulness is often the approach by many Psychotherapist. You need to be in your present and be mindful of your surrounding. There are many benefits to reap from being mindful. I will write about it in future articles. Being mindful has helped me take control of my life in so many ways.
9. CREATE NEW MEMORIES WITH YOUR PRESENT RELATIONSHIP.
So forget the past. You get it by now. What should you do next? Well, the answer to that is quite simple and straightforward. Create new memories with your partner, beautiful ones. In no time your newly created happy memories will overwhelm your haunting past. And if ever you look back, all you see is newly created happy memories. Do not limit the possibilities and chances of having a better NEW
past and better future.
10. YOUR LIFE DOES NOT GET BETTER BY CHANCE, IT GETS BETTER BY CHANGE.
After all the above is said and done. You need to understand that your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by the change. Change takes a lot of effort and it does not happen overnight and by itself. Put in the effort and see the results for yourself. Keep working towards the betterment of yourself and the future.
The above list is just 10 Ways To Overcome Your Toxic Past Relationship. The actual list is endless. And you may have a different list from mine. What works for me might not work for you, I think the main message I try to convey here is to NEVER GIVE UP in yourself EVER.
The world has its shares of negativity, we do not need to add to that. You control your future and destiny. Believe in yourself.
If you are curious about my personal haunting past, you can read it here.
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